Let’s talk about low demand eating
Anxiety and / or marked demand avoidance can make eating challenging and distressing. It becomes something impossible to do and before you realise, you enter a state of panic.
Many things can increase the demands of eating:
Direct questions, instructions and directions around eating from other people. Also from recipes / cooking instructions due to executive function differences.
Self-imposed expectations and perfectionism.
Expectations and opinions of others e.g. table manners, eating etiquette and social niceties.
Lack or loss of autonomy.
Decision making, e.g. about what, when and where to eat.
The eating environment - lights, sounds, temperature, seating, cutlery, etc. Basically anything that raises anxiety for the individual.
Food sensory overwhelm, e.g. around quantity or number of foods, colour, placing, spacing, smells, texture and consistency, temperature, taste etc.
Uncertainty, contributing to the sense of loss of control.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
It can be really helpful to identify your / their demands and triggers are, and what demand avoidance can look like (I'll do a post on this next.)
Doing this will enable you to find ways to reduce demands (where possible) and anxiety, and explore ways of managing them.
Reducing shame is a crucial part of managing anxiety and demand avoidance behaviours - this often means working on (self) acceptance and compassion, and asking others to relinquish their expectations and need for control through understanding, aka providing adaptations and accommodations.
Think seriously about chucking out the rule book. Explore and experiment with different ways of eating, in different places, considering sensory preferences and sensitivities and being careful not to change too much at once.
Explore and experiment with sensory regulation practices before, during and after eating. Focus on low demand approaches and include demand-free time.
Enable access to safe and same foods, especially in unfamiliar eating environments. This can really help with uncertainty.
If you are supporting someone else, talk to them about your desire to help and how you'd like to look for solutions together. Inclusion (with indirection) is key to finding that important sense of control.
They (or you) may or may not know what they need, which is OK! So here are some examples of low demand eating that have helped my clients:
"Having a flexible routine for my day and meal times really helps me visualise what's going to happen and helps me prepare." Note, routines and definitely rigidity often increase demands for folk with PDA (pathological demand avoidance).
"I've found certain rituals around my eating help me feel grounded and stay present. I didnt realise how much all the other stuff going on in my day impacted me and I've had to work hard on finding ways to lower my stress levels and accepting my needs really matter" Note, explore your needs without judgement and ask yourself if your coping strategies still serve you.
"I think I have PDA and giving myself some choice (like 2 things I could eat) made a huge difference for me." Note, choice can increase demands for some, so have a discussion if choice is something that will help and what the optimum number of choices could be.
"Having a maximum number of different foods (5) on my plate reduced my sensory load and risk of reaching overwhelm."
"I've realised having single foods to make a no cook 'meal' (veggie sticks, bread, hummus, olives) means I actually eat.I can put it together in 3 minutes and there's minimal mess to clear up after."
"By allowing myself to eat the foods I like, I've noticed a real thing for crunchy, sour and vinegary foods. Knowing this has meant its felt OK to try other things that give me this." Note, taste preferences are hugely individual, and being given permission to honour those for yourself is important.
I've really had to challenge my beliefs and accept what IS safe for me to eat and what is me conforming to others expectations. Note, safe and same foods are familiar, often predictable, bring sensory enjoyment and help minimise anxiety.
"My body doesn't like very cold foods." "Really hot foods make me hot, then I get twitchy." Honour your needs for preferred food temperature, it's a thing we can find makes a big difference!
"My friends (best ones) now get why I need to get up and move their cutlery about lol. I was always told what to do when I was young and it's such a relief people see it's not rudeness or stupidity. Not making things a big deal has helped me accept me!"
"My parents really struggled with me saying no to dinner invitations, or for their grandchildren (not so little now) to eat in different rooms when they came over. I felt so much judgement when they sat on the floor with their phones, like I was such a bad parent but my kids benefited so much. I can see how rules didnt work and now I feel I'm doing things right at last. We're all less knackered!" Honour that need for peace and quiet.
"We've agreed no nitpicking, work talk or arguments when eating. And not eating at our table has been a revelation!
"I've invented low demand shopping! 5 things max where I buy a hot meal and 4 essentials off my list. There's only me here at home so doing this has meant I go get some food to eat rather than ruminate about it and do nothing." Chunk processes down and do what works for you, at your pace.
"I'm not a cook so I'm just not going to batch cook. But I've had play with my air fryer and I can make a decent meal in about 20 mins now. And it turns itself off if I forget it!" Batch cooking is often recommended to help with forward planning but it's OK if that's not accessible for you.
"I've learnt lowering my expectations is not accepting taking second best or a cop out. Reducing what I've been telling myself I need to do eating wise has lowered my anxiety, as has doing a bit more planning. It's meant I can actually function and find more fun!
Using humour can be very helpful in diffusing situations and adding distraction and diversion. Make jokes, lark about and role play (this has been a game changer for my family).
There really are no 'shoulds' when it comes to eating - let this be an invitation to explore your own beliefs about what eating 'should' look like, what 'health' looks like for you and why your need for calm and peace deserve to be respected with dignity.
If you'd like to explore your own sensory needs to help you with lowering demands around eating, download my Build My Own Soothing Sensory Self Care Kit here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/melwakeman/e/182422 (or head to my extras page).
You may also find the guides also on my extras page helpful (See 1. The importance of safe foods, 2. Autism, food and eating behaviours, 3. 5 ways to make eating a little less exhausting: ADHD and Autistic burnout edition)
The PDA Society and their PANDA approach is a brilliant resource.
If you are worried your diet is too limited, 'unhealthy', or you're struggling with anxiety and demands around food, book in for a free 30 minute chat online.
